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20 August 2008 @ 07:55 pm
more thoughts on love (a frequent topic)  
(i posted this on facebook yesterday but not here because i don't get on lj at work. ever.)

i've just stumbled upon an amazing revelation. perhaps this is obvious to everyone, and i think i knew it but i don't know that i knew it before. to truly be in love you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable to that person. no matter how many times you have been hurt before, even by them, you have to allow yourself to be open, to trust that they will not hurt you. the problem with that is that once you've been hurt by the same person over and over again you build up walls out of self preservation. it's a natural survival instinct. after a while those walls are impenetrable, and that's when the love may still exist but you cease being in love.

but if those walls were always there, if you never let your guard down, never trusted the person, never let them in any further than the surface, can you ever truly have been in love with them? perhaps it depends on your definition of love...i think this is mine. the belief - no matter how unrealistic it is - that the person that you choose to be with will not hurt you. a hope that is perhaps without basis, and then by proving you right time and time again that love can be sustained over time. that's not to say that someone you love will never hurt you, even inadvertantly, but that the depth of that pain is outweighed by the faith you have in their intentions and their ability to not cause you more pain.

when pain becomes linked somehow to your love or relationship, forgiving and forgetting is not really enough. it is only by proving day in and day out that our faith in them is warranted that we can begin to experience what a lasting love might be.

this is my latest theory at least. :)


and btw yes i blog on facebook, even though it's usually commenting on article links i post but you should friend me over there
existing: couch
girl feels: goodgood
melodies: garbage ~ only happy when it rains